Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
