i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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