I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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