We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize