First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need water and some morals
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
