Fuck appropriateness.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no you cant smoke seaweed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
