I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
