She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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