I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Never joke about your clitoris.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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