somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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