I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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