If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
