There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
