Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
