what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
