I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
