Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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