I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
