maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
