she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
