So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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