and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
