I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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