I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
