I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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