Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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