How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
