He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
