before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
