proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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