im drinking this country out of the recession.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
