her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
is it fun? or sober?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
