what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
