My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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