I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
