Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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