Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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