This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
