I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
