i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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