I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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