Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
