just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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