Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
