The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
