isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
