yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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