why didn't you poke me back
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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