Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
