I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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