Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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