first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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