if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
