I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
