hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
