I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
