i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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