can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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