she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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