drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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