She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
