If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
