dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
