its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
