Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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