I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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