Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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