And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
