The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
