I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
