please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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