I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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