She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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