If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
