Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
