New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
