just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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