You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
