Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I want her autograph on my taint
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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