one might say we're banned from that church
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
