Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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