She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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