Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
