I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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