I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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