dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
either way he was missing a nipple.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
