the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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