One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
