I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
